It has been about a month since the end of the middle school entrance exam, and this month of vacation, umm, feels even emptier than going to school.
When I walked out of the exam room after the middle school entrance exam, I didn't feel the excitement I had imagined, but rather confusion.
World 1st Education#
China's education system is a failure. A few days ago, when I was chatting with a friend, he said he didn't want to answer questions that could be easily answered by searching on Google. I looked at the questions from the group that mentioned him and said, "This is not the fault of the person asking the question, but rather a failure of China's education system." Chinese teachers love to believe that they are the only source of knowledge and that students' only task is to listen to what the teachers say, memorize everything, and then take exams. Students are not allowed to use electronic devices and are expected to ask the teacher whenever they have a question. Over time, they lose the ability to acquire knowledge on their own. He then said that he (the group member) should realize this problem and correct it. I said it's impossible, no one can wake up someone who is self-satisfied. People who grow up in this environment consider asking questions as an honor, as if the more questions they ask, the more useful they appear to be.
I had a lot of conflicts with my middle school Chinese teacher because I didn't like taking notes. I preferred to just listen in class and then write down the important knowledge afterwards. But my teacher believed in the saying "a good memory is better than a bad pen" and forced me to take notes in every class. By the time I was in the third year of middle school, every time he saw me not writing, he would scold me. There was also one time when he gave a perfect score to an essay written by a classmate about the harm of the internet, and I didn't agree with it. During that class, he kept making sarcastic remarks about me, saying that I was a typical person who had been ruined by the internet. I am not good at expressing myself, so I tend to stay silent in such situations. On the last class before the middle school entrance exam, I couldn't bear it anymore. When class ended, he said, "If you get into a good university, remember your teacher." I slapped him right there on the podium, and of course, I was called in by my parents afterwards.
After the middle school entrance exam, he was demoted by the school and could no longer teach the direct admission class.
The Troubles of International High School Students#
In high school, I went to an international high school in the provincial capital city of my province. During the summer vacation language training course, I naturally had to stay in the dormitory. It was a coincidence that the school gave me a whole dormitory room (there happened to be one vacant).
Before staying in the dormitory by myself, I had told my parents that I wanted to go out alone for a while, for two weeks, and we discussed it for more than ten days. However, they never agreed. First, they were worried that I would be kidnapped, and then they were worried about scams or accidents. I can understand these concerns, but I don't support them. I don't think staying at home for three years can give me the ability to protect myself and survive on my own.
Even at the international high school, my parents still couldn't let go of their worries. They would call me for half an hour every day to urge me to study, often when I was already studying. Again, I can understand, but I don't support it. I don't think these conversations, which disregard the feelings of others, can be considered as love. They are just self-satisfaction.
I am relatively light in weight, with a BMI of around 17.5, which is considered underweight according to the BMI index. But in reality, I don't have any strong physical discomfort. When I arrived at the international high school, my mom specifically asked the dormitory aunt to give me the food she bought every night and make sure I eat it. I told her I was full and if I got hungry, I would buy food myself. She would call and scold me, saying that I don't understand her love for me. But my stomach is my own, whether I'm hungry or not should be up to me...
Aimlessness#
After the middle school entrance exam, I no longer have clear goals like before. My daily life consists of eating, washing up, sleeping, and looking at my phone. In other words, I have lost my creativity.
When I feel like coding, I realize that I have no ideas. The lifestyle of solving a lot of problems before the middle school entrance exam has made me accustomed to thinking in terms of answering questions, a typical problem-solving person from a small town.
Is this my fault? I don't know, but it definitely cannot be separated from the Chinese education system and Chinese parents.
I think I died in that summer when I was 15 years old.